Days of the Diaries
by Ash Phoenix
Summary: Per Cid's requests, the characters of FFVIII have been forced to keep diaries. Join their misadventures as the diaries reveal all ...
1. That Dog!

Author's Note: Hey! So, this is a completely different idea that I wanted to experiment with (although, I'm sure that there are plenty of fics like this on the site.) I guess it's due to the fact that I haven't written enough humor (questionable, since I'm not sure that I can even write _good _humor) and I could do with a good laugh!

Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from the characters that don't appear in the game (OC galore! -Cough-)

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**Days of the Diaries**

Chapter I : The Dog

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Well, due to the Headmaster's _insistence_, all cadets and SeeDs in Garden are - ahem - 'advised' to keep a journal. Or diary ... whatever.

And, due to Selphie's _completely and insanely hyperness, _we have to 'introduce' ourselves on the first page.

So, I'm Squall ... whatever, I know you don't care. Well, good, neither do I.

...

Uh ... okay, so you _do _care. Whatever, could've fooled me.

So, as journals are used for recording random intervals of one's life, let me tell you about the time that the ... _dog _... came and ruined my day.

It was a normal day - well, relatively normal: killing monsters, getting paid, dodging random cadets wanting help on their assignments ...

I don't help kids. So sue me.

Anyway, as I was walking back to my dorm, I was met with 'The Dog'.

Yes, you heard me right (or _read it _right ... whatever) - 'The Dog'.

Now, I don't care how _you _feel about dogs, but I ...

I absolutely _detest _this dog.

For she was no ordinary dog - she was 'The Dog' ... _Angelo._

Now, you can gasp or giggle, but that won't change the fact that - due to Rinoa's request - Angelo is allowed to stay in the Commander's dorm.

... Damn dog.

So, as most dogs, Angelo was waiting outside my room, wagging its tail and tongue. Okay, so - being the Commander - I simply glared at him; I am not gifted with the ability to read - or understand - the language of the dog.

Obviously ... it didn't budge. Nope, just sat there.

Then, I heard a disturbing sound from the dog and - at once - the gagging scent overcame my sense of smell.

I blinked ... then blinked again.

_'Hyne-dam-mit!'_

That dog just ... _pooped _in front of my dorm door.

Okay ...

So, I did the only thing I could think of.

Yep, I phoned the girlfriend.

_**"Squall, honey?" **_ Oops, here comes the 'concerned' tone.

_**"Yeah, um, Rin?" '**__A-hem.' __**"You - You know your dog?"**_

_**"Ohmygosh, did something happen to Angelo?!" **_Whoops, got her all worked up.

_**"No, the dog's fine." '**__My floor's not.' __**"She just - she just -"**_

_**"Yeah?" **_

_**"She - uh -" **__'Just get it over with.' __**"Shepoopedontheflooroutsidethedorm."**_

_**"She what, Squall?" **__'Oh, please understand, Rinoa.'_

_**"She, uh, needs cleaning up." **__'Lame, Leonhart, but true.'_

_**"Oh, she -" **__'Great, now she's got the giggles.' __**"Oh, I'm - haha - sorry, Squall. I'll be - haha - there r-right away."**_

_Click. _

... It's not that funny. Tragic, if anything. Stupid little -

_Ruff. _

Okay, is she _happy _about what she did? Laughing about my demise? That's it ... this is war.

... So, yes, that is how I began to officially hate the dog. And all other dogs, if they're as ... _troublesome _as this little critter.

_Knock, knock, knock._

... I've got to go, now. Can't let anyone see me writing in this little thing.

And don't mention that incident to anyone, ever. And, I mean _EVER._

... Ok, I'm going now. So, yeah, bye.

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Author's Note: Ok, I feel silly now. I'm not sure what the reaction would be to this, but ... it's different, right? And I like to experiment ...

So, let me know what you think in a review, please!

AP signing off!


	2. Failed Experiment?

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the characters.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews, guys! This entry is dedicated to you all, and the suggestion was given by _**StrifeVsTribal**_. Thanks a lot!

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**Days of the Diaries**

Chapter II :: _Failed Experiment ... ?_

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Okay, so ... this is the first time I have ever written in one of these ...

Hey! I'm Zell Dincht, one of the best SeeDs in the entire Garden! Nice to meet you!

...

Eh, okay, you're not answering back ...

Anyway, since the purpose of one of these things is to write about stuff that needs to be remembered, let me tell you about the time I ended up - eh - 'experimenting' ...

And, no, this does _not _relate to the 'T-Board Incident', thank you very much ...

...

So, anyway, I was gonna tell you my tale ...

It was a relatively normal day; most of the cadets and SeeDs were relaxing and chillin' out with friends. But I, on the other hand ...

I had more important things to do.

See, I had this _genius _idea of testing this theory that had been bugging me. That's what Quistis told me I was doing that day, by the way.

Have you ever wondered which one tastes better on a hot dog - mustard or ketchup?

...

No? Well, I have.

So, I thought to myself - why not test it?

Anyway, I go down to the cafeteria (I was lucky, because there was actually two hotdogs left). Then, I put both hotdogs on a plate and, with a bottle of mustard in one hand and a bottle of ketchup in the other, I squirt the stuff all over the hotdogs.

Mmm, they looked so tasty ...

I should try that again ...

...

Oh - oh, yeah! My tale! Right! A-hem ... so, I decide to 'test my theory'. First, I tasted the one with ketchup all over it: mmm, was it nice! So then, after that, I shove the mustard-y hotdog in my mouth ...

I chew ...

And I keep chewing ...

And I come to the following conclusion:

They both taste as good as each other!

Yep, after comparing them, I just couldn't decide on which one was better (although, they were both hotdogs - and that's good enough for me!) So, I guess, it was a failed experiment ... ?

... Although those hotdogs were pretty damn good!

So, um, I guess that's it from me. Um, stick around - I have a funny story of Almassy I need to write about! (See what I did there? Alm-ass-y, Almasy, yeah - oh, forget it.)

Although, I did promise myself I would not write about him ... eh, what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him! Although, I wish I _could _hurt him ...

And now, I bid thee farewell! I'm gonna kick some ass in the TC!

See ya!

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**Author's Note: **Blergh, was that the best I could do? Anyways, sorry about the way it turned out, StrifeVsTribal. Feel free to unleash your wrath!

And, for all you others out there, please read and review!

Ash XX


	3. Back to Square One

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the characters.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews, guys! This entry is dedicated to you all, and the suggestion was given by _**StrifeVsTribal**_. Thanks a lot!

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**Days of the Diaries**

Chapter III :: _Back to Square One_

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This was _not _why I had agreed to come back to Garden ...

...

Okay, if anyone _is _reading this, the name's Seifer. Yeah - Seifer Almasy, famous war criminal; responsible for the murders, abductions and incapacitations of various people.

Well, I'm not _that _bad but, hey, I'm boosting my reputation here.

... Actually, since I came back here, it's not been much of a cruise, if you know what I mean. I mean, sure, I'm still feared and respected in that 'damn-I-have-to-follow-this-guy-or-he'll-kill-me' kind of way.

Yeah, that's what they all think of me. Mindless, murderous ...

_Monster. _

...

Shit, this is not what this stupid - book? - is supposed to be used for. I should be talking about happier times ...

Yeah, the day I decided to come back to Garden ...

So, after talking with Fujin and Raijin, we all decided to come back to Garden. It's been our home for ages now and, even with the whole Ultimecia shit, I will always l-

-like that place. Yeah, I'll always like it ...

Tell that to anyone and you're dead, you got me?

...

So, as I was saying, before we actually went there - to Garden - me, Fuu and Rai were fishing in FH. Yeah, yeah, fishing might be regarded as a 'pussy' sport to some of you all, but it's actually pretty relaxing. You know, gives you time to think.

Now, I won't go into detail about what my mind was thinking about then, but it was something between _'Maybe I should go back and atone for my sins,' _and _'Damn, when the hell are these fish gonna bite?' _

So, anyway, we were there ... I got a bit riled up since the fish were either sleeping or dead already. Yeah, no fish for me ...

And then, all of a sudden, Raijin ends up with this catch. From the way he was trying to reel it in, it must have been pretty big. Which is pretty surprising; that guy's bigger than any other damn guy I have gotten to know ...

So then, he starts cheering like the softie he really is and Fujin, the really aggressive one, she kicks him. In the water.

Now, I actually _did _feel pretty sorry for the guy, but, hell, it was funny as heck. So, I started laughing.

I admit, it felt good; just relaxing there, laughing with Fuu as Rai tried to get back to shore. Beats all that angsty nonsense I had to deal with before ...

And, then I saw it. Garden. Just flew straight past us. And, you know what ... ?

I didn't feel angry at all. In fact, I was pretty happy it was still functional. Guilty as hell, though, but I was truthfully happy.

That's when I decided ... to come back.

Shit, I've written a lot - more than I write for assignments, anyway. And, this ain't even work!

Aah, what the heck, I'm gonna go down and get a bite to eat - see where Fuu and Rai are. Hell, maybe we could give the DC another shot ... ?

Be right back!

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**Author's Note: **Okay, this one was not as humorous (Sorry, _**StrifeVsTribal**_!) But, I had to have a Seifer entry - he's my favourite character, after all!

Remember to Read & Review, please!

xx


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